It’s such a shame women seem to be so divided. Just last week a woman told me one of her friends said most of the time she found it easier for her to be friends with a guy than with most women. Her friend informed her too many women these days were competing to have the better clothes, the slimmer waist, the better relationship, car, job, house, or family. Guys, she said, were less likely to stab her in the back: there weren’t the ‘hidden’ agendas; there wasn’t the ‘bitchiness’ she said was all too common. When women are divided, competitors more than friends, the negative flow on effects are huge; they permeate into every aspect of our lives. Here are 6 important reasons why more women should stop being back-stabbing competitors, and once again come together and unite.
1. For Kids and Family
When women are supportive friends there is more help for mother’s and families. Being a mum is hard work, alone it can tear you apart. It is much easier if women share, among each other, the great family/mothering load. When women unite children can also learn from them how to be friends, play together better, feel like they belong among a group that cares. With less stress, and more support for the family, the greater the chance of it surviving as a functional unit.
2. For Safety
We all feel safer in supportive, caring, groups; among close friends. Imagine a group of women – close friends – intervening in households when one of them is being threatened or suffering abuse; the women protecting their own, with numbers. Perhaps engaging their own partners to help so the perpetrators can be kindly spoken to, calming things down, finding better ways to settle differences. Women united could be a powerful force to reduce domestic and social violence, and abuse.
3. It Combats Loneliness
Division and competition creates loneliness. The more we compete the more we divide ourselves away from each other – we reduce trust and closeness – and the lonelier and more emotionally painful, and unsatisfying, our lives become. This isn’t just happening among women; men too are suffering this loneliness scourge. When women unite – become close friends – they don’t only cure their own loneliness they offer a forum for men to cure theirs too, to get to know new mates through their woman’s partners, and unite as a community. With a closer community we all feel happier in a place of safety where our families can thrive.
4. It Improves Relationships
No partner can meet all our needs, especially social needs. That is where same-sex friends come in. No one can validate us like someone of the same sex. Who better to understand what a woman is going through, for instance, than another woman? Better still, same sex friends can help enhance our relationships by offering us someone else to share our burdens with without threatening our relationships. (See previous blogs about why we shouldn’t be close friends with the opposite sex outside relationships.) Lessen the burdens we bring home and we have more time to share the good stuff.
5. It Increases Tolerance, Compassion, and Wisdom
Many hands make light work. With many friends helping each other, reducing their workloads, we allow ourselves more time to reflect, to get to know our heart and what we feel. This means time to get to know the true you, and with it develop a better understanding of others, fostering tolerance and compassion. It also nurtures wisdom. Women with these qualities and skills can then help men connect with their own heart, and their children connect too. Generations can grow more peaceful, compassionate, and wise. The fear, and the fighting common to our societies, can finally end.
6. To Increase Influence and Power
Women united are a powerful political force. They can set the political agendas of governments. For instance, they can make caring a priority leading to improvements in health and wellbeing across society. The neglect of the needy can stop. Women, true to their hearts, are more focused on caring than most men; our children wouldn’t have survived if it was otherwise. A caring focus can change priorities around the world, including creating greater motivation to protect the natural world, and look after each other.
Imagine a close group of women always there for each other, supportive, caring, sharing their hearts as they work towards improving relationships, families, and communities. How would it feel to never be alone? How would it change your life to have regular access to close, trusted, and loyal, female friends? This is how it was once was among many ancient tribes such as the American Lakota, and Indigenous Australians. Early Indigenous Australian women were custodians of their communities, a source of communal and family caring. Wouldn’t it be better if women were friends, united, rather than divided competitors? Wouldn’t our world be a better place?
How can we create this level of female friendship and unity?
In chapters 6, 8, and 9 in ‘The Fall and Rise of Women’ you will find many practical, and simple, suggestions. I devote several chapters to the topic in recognition of its great importance to our future.