WE ALL YEARN FOR:
A DEEPLY SATISFYING LIFE FILLED WITH MEANING, PURPOSE, PEACE, AND SECURITY
A SENSE OF BELONGING
TO BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED FOR WHO WE ARE.
ONLY FRIENDSHIP ALLOWS US TO ACHIEVE IT
THE LIFE WE ARE LONGING FOR IS AT OUR FINGERTIPS
Learn why women are often treated poorly simply for being a woman, and what you can personally do to change that...
A BALANCE OF SELF: A NEW APPROACH TO SELF UNDERSTANDING, LASTING HAPPINESS, AND SELF-TRUTH
DR WINFRIED SEDHOFF M.D.
A balanced life is something we all yearn for, but it can only be honestly achieved through a balance of self. This important book gently...
the fall and Rise of women
Introduction to the Balance of Self Model
Search inside your heart and you will find a basic mix of fears and desires: the same mix from which all humans are composed. In many ways we are much like a cake: with the same basic ingredients of flour, sugar, eggs, butter, milk, and soda we can make many different cakes. A sponge or a pudding, a slice, or a wedding cake. Add extra flavors for a chocolate, orange, or lemon cake. At the heart we have the same basic ingredients mixed in different amounts. Just as at our core we are made up of the same basic human desires. We are different thanks to the changing strength of our desires and are never exactly the same from this day to the next – the balance of ingredients keeps changing inside us.
The Balance of Self (BOS) Model is a summary of our basic human desires; those we must have if we are to survive – the basic ingredients. This simple dynamic model can help us make sense of what desires we have and how they become stronger and weaker under different con- ditions, such as those that can lead to the oppression, abuse, and dis- respect of women. The model can help us better understand ourselves.
The BOS Model can be best expressed in a diagram.
See page 2 of the book
The main components in the BOS Model are termed the Three Human Essences: Personal Self, Family Self, and Community Self. They summarize the essence of what drives us to be human, to act and behave as a human being, as opposed to acting like a bird or a cat. If you had the desires of a bird for example you would want to fly from tree to tree, or hover high in the sky searching for something to eat. Thankfully we don’t have such desires or more than a few of us would have some very painful bruises or broken limbs.
The Human Essences are a summary of our human motiva- tions and desires grouped into three parts.
In the center of the model is the supplementary component Land. Let us consider each of the components in turn and begin to see how they make us whom we are so we can clarify their part in the fall of the Essence of Woman and what part they play in an authentic woman’s life.
Personal Self desires help keep us alive and healthy in our own right. Not surprisingly some of its desires include those of hunger, thirst, and the desire for warmth and shelter, for without these we wouldn’t be able to survive. But Personal Self can represent much more than that.
Personal Self has five components that change how we see and treat ourselves:
3. A sense of knowing what we think and feel in our own right
4. Sense of choice
5. Being our best friend
We are unlikely to meet our own personal needs if we don’t think we are worthwhile, don’t respect ourselves, don’t know ourselves well enough to recognize our needs, don’t think we have a choice in having our needs met, or if we treat our self as an enemy rather than a close and trusted best friend.
Personal Self is about stripping away the influences of others and then uncovering who we are.
Would you know whom you are when no one is around and you don’t have to answer to anybody? When you strip away the role of mother, friend, worker, and companion, who are you? Personal Self is about having a strong sense of your individuality, an identity that isn’t determined by the influences of others. It is the closest we can find to an honest and true sense of genuine and unique self.
Personal Self is considered the foundation of the BOS Model as without a strong Personal Self we will never truly be ourselves, and never find true and honest fulfillment in any part of our life. When we try to be someone we’re not we don’t satisfy our needs, just the needs of the person we think we should be.
Please go to 'Books' to read previous excerpts.